Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
