mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
