dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
