Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Found the puke drawer
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
