Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
