you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
