May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
