I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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