so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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