Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
