Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
