who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
