Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
