He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
