By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
