I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
