I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
