in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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