His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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