Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
