I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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