Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
