life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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