Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
