So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
