Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
