I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
