My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
