I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
