The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
