she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
