Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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