All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
