Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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