the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
