I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
