Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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