we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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