I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
