it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Alive.
So much puke
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
