i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
