Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
