I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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