Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
