I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we're so committed to being not committed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
