if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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