Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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