I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
