It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
