i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just cropdusted the office
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
True strength comes from lack of pants
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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